The Third High Performance Habit

Michael Lawrence
Mar 29, 2020
9 min read

Updated: Feb 23, 2022

The third habit to master, according to Brendon Burchard's "High Performance Habits," is focused on the topic of necessity. Its purpose is to identify the reason you aim to perform. It's the why. This chapter is divided into subtopics for fulfilling that need to perform individually and socially. The internal forces are Identity and Obsession. The external forces are Social Obligation and Urgency. These forces combined realize "necessity." This chapter is another story-filled piece that helps give form to the ideas.

Know Who Needs Your "A Game"

Do you care more about your results when the product is for another? I remember my mom cooking breakfast and serving my grandmother, sister, and me. For some reason, all our plates looked decent; it was never gourmet, but my mom did ensure that it was at least presentable. After my mom fixed the same plate for herself, it suddenly took a turn for the worst. The eggs weren't so sunny side up on her plate. Pork chops were burnt, and it was cold by the time she got to her coffee. I used to hate that she would subject herself to having less while giving us the best she could. This is what I will use to explain Burchard's points.

Identity

As hypothetical as it has to be since we've never discussed the subject, let's say that my mom was driven to be a good mother. Her identity as a good mother meant that she would do good work when it came to her children. She worked two jobs for the longest time after issues with my dad, and she did so to provide. We never slept on the streets, nor were we hungry. A lioness with her cubs, mom had the strength of identity knowing that she needed to get things done, and she did. As a mom, she played both parental roles, being nurturing and disciplinarian at the same time. She was there to hug and caress her children, at the same time, establish order when needed. She was a parent first, then a friend. I am grateful for her approach because today, many kids run over their parents because some parents are first friends, then parents.

Obsession

Cooking was not my mom's forte but making sure we were OK was and is. My mom was obsessed to the point of smothering, but she was always there when it counted. She took every little commercial holiday or family event and offered time to take care of the details to make us feel loved. I remember that even if we didn't always go out or do anything extravagant, I was finding chocolates and gifts for valentines, baskets filled with goodies for Easter, and smiles throughout. My mom was forever a chaperone on field trips and scrapbooked my scholastic career from kindergarten until I was an ungrateful teen in high school. We as a family did not have much, but we did know we had a mom that would give her all for us. We are a large part of my mom's life to this day. She always gave without having and cared about our education and emotional well-being. She lets us know we are always loved.

Social Obligation

Social obligation is the fulfillment of the public's need in some way or form. Helping a random old lady cross the street, stopping and helping someone change a tire on the side of the road, buying those chocolates so that football team can get uniforms, etc. Staying with the subject of my mom, I can say that although most people could say she was just doing her job as a mom, I can argue otherwise. There are endless cases of child abuse, neglect, and abandonment with other women that claim the title of "mom." It hurts to know my mom sacrificed her life to give us ours. Millennials are quick to say that they don't want kids because they want to travel the world. We were the world to my mom.

Urgency

How can I explain urgency in terms of a mother's love? Have you ever lost anyone you loved? A parent, a friend, or even a pet? It can remind you that no one hangs around forever, so now is the best time to show your appreciation. It may be even more difficult as a mother. You raise a kid who is entirely dependent on you, and little by little, they are less familiar with you as they lead their own lives—all the moments to be proud of and the disappointments - all the same. Nothing will last forever. Burchard connects urgency with real deadlines. The truth is, for some, when you start to live your own life, parents end up on the back burner until it's too late. I believe that every parent is aware of that fact, and they do what they can with the time they have.

Affirm the "Why"

One of the shorter sections in this chapter discusses how to identify the reason for anything you do. For this concept, you only need to search "motivation," and you'll find scores of speakers and presentations on how to be successful. Without waiting too long, you'll come across someone saying this is why they work harder than anyone else. Necessity is a great motivator. There are stories of parents doing the seemingly impossible in defense of their children. The greatest transformations can come from the greatest need. It's like the sink or swim mentality. There is only do or don't, there is no try.

When you can identify a clear reason why it then helps you find a clear reason for accomplishing your goal. It provides a clear idea of what you need to become. The situations don't have to be dire to be an example. You really want a summer body? You will really want to become health-conscious to get there. You want a promotion? You will become an exemplary employee. Exceptions aside, it's unlikely that you're doing your best without a good reason to do so. Let's compare it to a reward system. The better you do, the better your reward. Working to fulfill their "why" is the ultimate reward for high performers.

Level Up Your Squad

This section talks about the groupthink phenomenon and other things to consider to create an effective group. No man is an island. I fought to disprove this, but it really takes two to tango, even if it's based on a transactional relationship. Imagine you were the world's greatest shoemaker; it wouldn't matter if no one were around to buy your shoes. Unless you could learn to eat shoes, you'd be stuck. You would be wise to find like-minded individuals to help bring each others' ideas to fruition. It's important to be like-minded because the group affects the individuals it comprises. Like it or not, some traits of the few become the traits of the many, and changes will occur. By executing a selective process, you can take on positive traits such as discipline and responsibility instead of sloth and haphazardness. Burchard seems to realize that although there are believers in every varying idea, the people you need may not be where you need them. He advises taking a couple of steps if the ones available aren't able or willing to improve to meet goals.

1. Find a New Friend

We would always travel with our Day 1's in a perfect world, but if they haven't grown since, they become an anchor holding you from progress. If you can meet someone who at least is aiming in a similar direction, linking up can be more productive and help you both. Social media can be a window into this fact. You invariably have at least a few classmates and coworkers from years back who are mentally in the same spot and seem to be moving horizontally instead of vertically in life. They can appear happy or have nice things, but maybe they aren't the same things you are after. There's nothing wrong with minimum wage or living with your parents. Many families exist and love each other amidst more troubling circumstances, but if it's not what you want, don't settle for friends who are happy with being stagnant. Take time to give a new optimistic friend a chance.

2. Volunteer

Here's a semi-paradoxical idea: if you want to be more fruitful, be charitable. But why? If volunteering isn't court-mandated or a requirement for school, you must admit that it takes a certain type of person to volunteer. When you volunteer, you are more likely to find those happy-go-lucky people who can hopefully get you on the same wave. If anything, you would be changing your routine and getting out there. Volunteers are only giving part of their time, they do have lives to live, and maybe those lives are similar to yours or close to the one you aspire to live. A willing volunteer is probably not moping about work to be done or anything involved, really. They tend to be grateful for the opportunity to contribute and be a part of something greater than themselves. This is some of the mentality that any success-hungry individual needs. It can be a different example of success where your "why" is simply to help others. Making friends with people who volunteer may lead to new relationships with an influx of positivism.

3. Play Sports

Burchard wrote "play sports," but clearly, sports aren't for everybody. However, the aim here isn't to sweat but to compete. In addition to sports, you can compete in various ways—chess tournaments, video games, various contests, etc. If you enter a competitive arena, it can activate a certain drive to outperform. Your "why" becomes winning, and victory can come in different ways. Did you practice effective communication? Win. Did you take directions well? Win. Were you supportive? Win. Did you give your all? Win. Not only is the traditional win something to shoot for, but everything involved can be seen as mini-goals that allow you to take a victory through increased efficiency. There are a lot of opportunities for self-development in team and solo competitions. A loss is a lesson and, therefore, another win. With that mentality, you can always win in any competition.

4. Seek Mentorship

This is another hot topic for entrepreneurs today. The idea has been around, but it hasn't been getting the attention it deserves until recently. If we go to school to learn the basics, if we have to get training to drive or start any job, why wouldn't it be necessary to get training from those who've been where you're headed? Anybody with the title you're after has obviously done something right to get there, and on their journey, they have also made mistakes they can keep you from making. In my opinion, mentorship is great because it's essentially a specific class you enroll in. There are masters in various applicable skills that can help you with your journey. Imagine learning from a social media influencer to get your brand out there even though you want to be a mechanic. Imagine getting with a voice coach to convey confidence in your presentations when you are in sales. If you think you have everything you need, you're done. You obviously have no more room for growth. If you're happy with what that gets you, great! If you know you don't know, reach out to someone who has proven they know.

5. Earn It

This is the tip that everyone can apply regardless of social circumstances. This is the tried and true - work for it. No one can stop you from getting it done. My last blog advocated against working yourself to exhaustion if it wasn't a need, but if you need someone to recognize you, you may have to go the extra mile, if only until you get the attention. Work at an above-average level. Always add a cherry on top. Make your production recognizable by the quality of work. Let it become your signature. Also, create. There's no use in seeking help from someone if they don't see you as someone putting in enough effort to be worth their time. Not everything you do will be 5-star quality because we deal with many things that affect our performance, but the one thing that can remain 5-star is effort. Show up and make something that took effort. We are always inspired by characters who train until their body gives out, and although most of our ventures won't require as much, we should demand ourselves to work that hard.

A Need-to-Know Basis

The crazy thing I realize is that most of us already know what we have to do. We, better than anyone else, know what we need, but if we aren't in dire need, we ignore ourselves and divert our attention to things we don't really need at all. The passage above doesn't provide life-changing information, but it is worth your careful consideration. Putting effort into identifying our needs in terms of goals and how to achieve them can help cultivate a game plan that, if executed with maximum effort, can really make a difference in our lives. It could also clarify that maybe we don't need what we thought and can help us realign ourselves with what we truly need.